Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Different, not better

Day two in the cage. This morning, Belle supervised as I dismantled the little acrylic torture chamber in order to put on the 2" ring (which, by the way, is too big - makes the thing much less secure). The relief once it was off was palpable. I had mentioned to her less than 10 minutes before that I wanted to move up a size and that I needed her to unlock me. As soon as I realized I was going to be released, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept going back to her until she agreed to go into the bathroom with me and do it. I was like a little kid or a puppy or something. I had to get out of it.

She washed the tube while I reassembled the bits and pieces. As soon as I started to slide the lubed cage back over my cock, I felt the elation leak out of me. I think I even whimpered a little. When she snapped the lock, something snapped in me, too. Not "snapped" like a postal worker. Maybe "clicked" is a better word. Anyway, I suddenly felt very much kept. Locked up basically against my will since I really didn't want to get back in there. But, a deal's a deal. I gave her the power and she's using it. I felt very different than before it arrived when she was denying me release. Then, I was looking for more stimulation - more access to her in order to get that. This time, I felt owned by her.

After the relocking was done, I followed her around from room to room, kissed her a lot, and (apparently) gave her funny looks. Now I realize that I'm not just being denied orgasm, but her touch as well. She likes to lay in bed and basically pet my cock. She's been doing the same thing since I got locked up, but of course, now I can't feel it. The only sensation I get from my cock now is negative (pressure, tightness, pain). I feel so much more dependent on her than before. I am starting to feel like I'm her prisoner. It is effecting me emotionally and mentally.

Mind you, I'm not saying I want to stop. I really want to continue to experiment with the device. However, at this time, I can't say I want chastity to be a huge part of our sexual lifestyle - more like a side dish rather than an entree. I love that she controls it. I love that I have no power over its use. It is a huge turn-on. Beyond that, though, I'm not sure I love how it makes me feel.

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